Dealing with the divorce process is messy and involves a lot of people. There are child custody lawyers, divorce lawyers, not to mention the children themselves, friends and family as well as the spouses, of course. A lot of people are affected by a divorce. It’s not just a simple matter of filing divorce papers and going on your way. In some states, a judge will require you to make an attempt at reconciliation depending on the circumstance. While abuse of any form and infidelity are grounds for divorce in any state, here are a few things that you can do to make an effort to save your marriage before filing divorce papers.
Communicate
One of the main reasons for divorce in this day and age is a lack of communication. Couples just don’t talk to each other like they used to. Now it’s all about texting and social media and the avoidance of human contact. Electronics are slowly but surely ruining physical and social interaction between people. Some couples may feel like they do communicate but they only talk through their electronics which is no substitution for real conversation. Married couples should feel like they are able to openly communicate their feelings regarding different issues with each other. This is not to say they should tear one another down but effectively letting each other know what they are thinking can be helpful.
See a Therapist
Sometimes couples need a mediator. Even if they want to talk and communicate it can be soffit if they have built up habits of shutting one another out. Seeing a marriage counselor before filing those divorce papers could save your relationship. A therapist is good at making sure that emotions remain level and conversations do not spiral out of control. They can help to begin to build good conversational and communication habits. Seeing a therapist shows that you are willing to work on things and if your partner is to then there is still hope. It’s easy to give up when you don’t know what the other person is thinking. We tend to think that if the other person isn’t saying anything then they are done but that may not be true. They may be thinking that about you.
Make Time
Especially if you have been married for any length of time, you probably haven’t carved out any time specifically for each other in a long time. No one is to blame for this. Life just happens. There’s work, kids and who knows what else that demands our attention at all times. However, in order for a marriage to work, time together with no one else, human or electronic to interrupt you is very important. This is a great place to learn out to talk effectively as well. Try to go to quieter places where you won’t have the option of being distracted. Fancy dinners or walks in the park are a good idea for spending time together. Who knows? You may remember just what made you fall in love in the first place.
Find Common Interests
You may have long since forgotten the things that you once had in common but you can find them again. Think about your spouse’s interests and likes and dislikes and compare them to your own. Once you find something that they enjoy, ask them to do it with you. For example, if you know your spouse enjoys going to the movie theater, have them pick a movie and go to see if with them and try to enjoy it no matter what the choice is. However, do not try to pull from old information, find out new things that your spouse likes and then try to align your own interest.
Put Them First
It’s easy to become very selfish and not think about the other person in the relationship. Before you file your divorce papers, try putting your spouse’s needs before your own for a little while and see how that changes your perspective. You may be surprised to feel those old feelings of love and appreciation come creeping back in. And if they don’t, at least you know you did everything that you could to bring your marriage back together.